Head or Heart
Head or Heart? Both are components of the 4-H Essential Elements: Belonging, Independence, Generosity and Mastery. How do you choose when confronted with a challenge? At the lowest point in my job search after returning from ten years in Guatemala, the most frustrating word I heard was “passion”, a professional buzz word for “heart”. The word was frustrating because it was what everyone wanted, but never defined.
The opinions of most read like a very romantic tale with the happily ever after ending. I knew these professionals were trying to coach me, to make me feel better, to encourage me towards a goal they knew I could achieve, but even as an adult I felt abandoned with no real next steps. In a job climate I with which I was unfamiliar, I needed goals and steps and responsibilities.
Head or Heart? Do we have to choose? It can feel like you do, especially to avoid disappointment. As in most things, the answer is not an all or nothing proposition. Success requires commitment and that commitment is achieved through both analysis and emotional connection. I am currently facilitating focus groups with youth around topics of youth success, engagement and voice. Their caution is just that. “Love us enough to help at our pace. Don’t love us so much that the goal and/or its achievement becomes yours.”
Make no mistake, there is seemingly a chasm between the group of builders on the edge with plans, wooden planks and rope and the safety tested bridge to the other side. The chasm is, to a certain extent, an illusion. It may be miles wide, but is likely only ticks of a clock deep. The amount of time it takes to listen. How can we, as adult partners, avoid digging our own holes? The young people I spoke with say this:
“Outwardly show belief so youth know their worth. Make connections. Pay attention to what youth like.”
“Support, encourage- it’s okay to mess up”
“Expect a transitional phase between us knowing and not knowing and multiple paths to get there.”
“Give multiple paths or options or opportunities for exploration without judgment.”
“Be patient for kids to step up and be ready for information. Adults can’t wait.”
I was recently reminded of this dynamic during a mental health first aid training for youth. At one point during the training, we watched a short video of an interview with Kevin Hines, suicide prevention speaker. Kevin gained nationwide fame for surviving an attempt at taking his own life by jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California. During part of his story about his mental health struggle, he mentioned an uncle who would visit him and bring him soup, a comic and a book about bipolar disorder. This experience was meaningful because his uncle did not speak to him vaguely about “getting better”. Instead, he provided concrete information alongside items that comforted and showed Kevin someone knew him and cared for him. The resources below are selected to show the impact one adult, one head and one heart, can have.
RESOURCES
Time devoted to self-care is the focus of many community partners in order to provide youth support for mental health. Division of Extension is continuing to expand its programming in this area. A recommended text for others also working with youth on mindfulness and other socioemotional content is “Learning to Breathe: A Mindfulness Curriculum for Adolescents to Cultivate Emotion Regulation, Attention, and Performance” by Patricia C. Broderick, PHD. This text includes a student workbook and downloadable guided mindfulness exercises.
These five mental health resources can #BeTheDifference when you need it most.
- The National Suicide Prevention Line. This hotline provides free, confidential support 24/7 to people in distress across the United States. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for support.
- The SAMHSA Helpline. SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential information service that provides treatment and support referrals 24/7 to people facing mental illness and addictions. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for support.
- Crisis Text Line.Crisis Text Line provides free, confidential support via text message 24/7 to those in crisis situations. Text HOME to 741741 for support.
- The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project provides free, confidential support 24/7 to LGBTQ youth via a helpline, text and online instant messaging system. Call 1-866-488-7386 for support.
- The Veterans Crisis Line. The Veterans Crisis line provides free, confidential support 24/7 to veterans, all service members and their family and friends in times of need. Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 or text 838255 for support.
In conjunction with curriculum like the one listed above, it cannot be overstated the accompanying work we all must do to ensure that all youth are engaged in an equitable manner. Belonging is one of the Essential Elements included in Positive Youth Development. Many of the issues youth raised around success and engagement in the focus groups relate directly to topics of self and identity. For example, this article shared by a fellow educator and former college professor illustrates the difference one supportive adult for young people who are working through their own and their loved ones’ acceptance of sexual identity. https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2019/07/just-one-supportive-adult-cuts-chance-lgbtq-youth-will-attempt-suicide-40/?fbclid=IwAR1o_K_-WVPJpQnm6mYHgIQeLexlQxs6Zg48d2Gh-oyUVYt7aYrvyyAY5Oo. I would also recommend Coshandra Dillard’s article, Black Minds Matter: Interrupting school practices that disregard the mental health of black youth. https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/fall-2019/black-minds-matter?utm_source=Teaching+Tolerance&utm_campaign=5096a15cb6-Newsletter+12-17-2019&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_a8cea027c3-5096a15cb6-101092357
Belonging is not only relevant to supporting youth. Those who coach youth also deserve more. More than anything, I recognize that simply providing resources to staff and volunteers is not enough. The atmosphere of meetings, the culture of the organization, each and every act and program development must be transparent in roles and responsibilities for volunteers and staff to feel empowered to act. https://blog-youth-development-insight.extension.umn.edu/2018/06/how-to-turn-volunteers-into-stewards.html
Lastly, love does not only occur between individuals. Vocations and community engagement are other ways that love may be expressed and then described in terms such as passion or purpose. I currently have the opportunity to speak to youth in focus groups about what makes them decide to participate or continue participating and “responsibility” or “a reason” often tops the list, a foreshadowing of the connection communities should hope they continue to value as youth grow into adulthood. A common hashtag for 4-H is #Inspire Kids to Do. Jennifer Sirangelo, describes what this means in her blog post, https://4-h.org/about/blog/reflecting-on-the-power-of-purpose/
