Distance versus Space
In the middle of April, My dad walked into the kitchen while I was pouring my coffee. “Everybody’s ordering their seeds now. All backed up. Never heard of that before. Glad we got ours already.”
I nodded. Everyone gardening, I considered. What does that mean? What will that mean? What will we learn? Gardening with my father was my primary example of a Youth-Adult Partnership work in progress. Although I was forty years old, I would always be the youth in this particular partnership. When I had first approached my father about learning to garden, I suggested that I have a separate garden.
“Why would we do that?” he had responded.
I shrugged, held back what I knew, which was, if we gardened together, my participation would be a token presence, a never quite ‘we’. Initially, that’s what happened. We gardened right next to each other. No distance. But, the space? There was always too much space in the form of assumption between what I knew and what Dad thought I knew. Or, there was always too little space, created by his tendency to act without me. I could read the seed packets but struggled to apply the words. I could hear each of his words and not understand his instructions. Even as the garden grew, my participation stayed small. There was no space for reflecting, only doing.
From this experience, what had I learned about working with someone who knew how to love me but not guide my learning? My advantage was that this learning experience occurred after my years in teaching which had taught me a vocabulary of strategies I knew existed. This is an important distinction between dimensions of Youth-Adult Partnership, one being supportive relationships and the other equitable partnership. That same day, sipping coffee I had also stared out the window wondering about our current social distance. Maybe being right next to someone didn’t make the difference, or even far apart, we could make a difference? What could I provide to youth and adults to be able to have these conversations and bridge distance in a changed space?
Working apart in the time of COVID 19 has forced distance that manifest in a new connections, frequent communications, and yet, an increased amount of waiting. Adults sense this about each other, and we attempt to find our way through a crowded virtual space and/or a tight living space to work with youth. The end point is distant, somewhere between me and an undetermined amount of space. Yet, that was still true even in a 100 square food garden. An intentional conversation about what I needed and what my adult support could provide still mattered even as we sat inches not miles apart. As an adult, that is that space over which I have the most control, and in which I must control myself. My task is first only the preparation of the ground, the assemblage of the tools so that no matter the goal of the youth who arrive, I will not be asking them to fit into my space. Nor, will I assign them a role. Instead, I will provide them the resources to mark their own rows. Later, I will not need to connect them to the resources, the youth will know where to find them, and they will most likely employ them in an innovative way I never thought of before.
Due to this shift in climate, “Certain seeds I planted will never come up. I must accept this,” one colleague told me. Other seeds wait in notes or meeting agendas for warmer temperatures or a necessary rainfall. Particular seeds will be ones that I never believed I could grow, or hadn’t even heard of, until now. Then, I will smile as my father smiled the first time biting into parsnips or kale. In person or virtually, the lesson of space, and I must admit, the more things change, the more our work is the same. Space is not necessarily distance.
Distance versus Space. The resources below are meant to illustrate a variety of spaces which are currently affecting all of us individually and our relationships, Youth-Adult Partnership in both general and specific ways.
RESOURCES
A traditional type of space, as referenced in the blog above, is the environment created by adults for youth both through tangible actions and interpersonal supports constructed. On the 4-H.org blog, Jennifer Sirangelo describes, “What Mentoring Has Meant to Me: Four Unique Types of Mentors for Growth”. The four types she lists are: Experience, Advocate, Peer, and Developmental. One key space in common between each of these mentors is the “imagined” space. Sirangelo speaks to goals, to choosing individuals who show you something you desire to see in yourself. The common phrase is you need to dream it to do it, but youth professionals know this to be extremely important. The imaginary space and the space to imagine matter. https://4-h.org/about/blog/what-mentoring-has-meant-to-me-four-unique-types-of-mentors-for-growth/?utm_campaign=&utm_source=4htoday&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20200206&utm_term=&utm_variation=&_cldee=ZXJpbi5jb253YXlAd2lzYy5lZHU%3d&recipientid=contact-cc535ba908ebe911910a001dd8b71c7f-9db0d7dfebdc4915a91f4b10333a1a2b&esid=df2d4c38-2748-ea11-9110-001dd8b71c7c
A variety of Workforce and Career Development Resources developed by a working group of Positive Youth Development professionals are provided by NAE4-HA here. https://nae4ha.com/general/custom.asp?page=Resources Often during my youth focus groups, individuals emphasized the importance of being connected to resources and opportunities that reflected their interests. Focus group participants also stated the need for time. The word time may mean space, space to explore and analyze and make decisions at their own pace. For adults looking to create that type of support, please take advantage of the documents on a range of topics (i.e. career exploration, interviews, job applications and general soft skills).
Expanding Access to Division of Extension resources is a current focus of all programming, not just youth. During the COVID 19 Pandemic, space can be defined as a stark contrast of disparities between particular groups. As the website resource cited states, we are in this together but our stories are not one narrative. Read more here about these significant spaces between although we are one community: https://www.embracerace.org/resources/covid-19-in-color-by-the-numbers?utm_source=EmbraceRace+Newsletter&utm_campaign=bd5d510048-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_26_10_04&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_765f8c2a27-bd5d510048-144341741
Lastly, those of us who are fortunate enough to be provided the opportunity to work from home, most likely choose to fill some of our work space with professional development opportunities. “Mind the (research and practice) Gap” is a blog post from the University of Minnesota Extension where Kate Walker reminds us of the layers of communities of practice we belong to and how to bridge the gap between what we read and what we do, what we learn and what we teach in our collaborations with youth and other adults. https://blog-youth-development-insight.extension.umn.edu/2020/01/mind-research-and-practice-gap.html
Moreover, in the days to come, we will begin the transition from adapting to the moment to adapting from the moment. Decisions about how best to proceed will be sometimes difficult, other times uncomfortable and maybe even not understandable. The YouTube video, “What is Sociocracy?” is an easy to follow framework of how to build new spaces for all based upon distinguishing between our preferences, our objections, and the most important space, our range of tolerance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6r3-s2p7eI
